This page could just as much be about kids reporting being molested or anyone who is being abused. Other people may see something helpful for other situations. I had this topic on my list to write about, but a friend asked me if she could write about it. I’m so proud of her for writing this because I know how many bad memories it must have brought up. I'm respecting her wish to remain anonymous. Although she retains full copyright of this material, she has given me the responsibility for handling all requests for use of her writing.

     No matter what anyone tells you - IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE RAPED. I’m not yelling at you, I just want to make that sentence as obvious as possible. I know personally what people are probably telling you if you’re the victim of rape. Some people will tell you you shouldn’t have been wherever you were when it happened. Some people will tell you if you would’ve been dressed differently the guy would’ve left you alone. People will sound sympathetic but still say things making you feel it was your fault. And yes, even the nurses, doctors, and police may make it sound like it was your fault. It wasn’t.
     And you don’t have to be embarrassed. If it isn’t your fault (which it isn’t) there’s no reason to be embarrassed. If you don’t report rape to the police or get examined by a doctor because you’re too embarrassed, the guy who did this to you will do it to another woman or come back to you again. Maybe you’re afraid because the guy threatened you or your family. These men will tell the woman anything so the woman won’t report the rape. Report it anyway. Even if the rape starts out as something else as soon as you say NO it’s rape.
     The important thing to remember if you’ve been raped is no matter how dirty you feel, don’t take a shower or a bath. The police will need any hair or body fluids the rapist left behind to help them find the guy. It’s always helpful if you can describe the guy but the DNA is what usually puts the man in prison.
     Also, don’t let your embarrassment or misplaced feelings of guilt keep you from talking to people about what happened. There are always going to be people, some of them your family and friends, who’re going to make you feel even more embarrassed or guilty. If this happens find someone else to talk to even if that means going to professional counseling. Counseling is always a good idea anyway.
     I know I’ve been around the police long enough to know what to do and how to react. You may think it makes it easier. It doesn’t. I almost did the wrong thing because I was afraid of how being raped would look to other people. As much as my husband loves me, I was afraid he'd stop loving me because of the rape. I was thinking no one else had to know about it. I’m not sure what changed my mind but I’m glad I did. I later found out the guy who was a friend of mine had raped two other women. He won’t be doing it again (for a while anyway). I don’t want any thanks for what I did I just want other women to know they shouldn’t be afraid or embarrassed to report being raped.