Abuse can be physical, mental, or both. The problem is,
when you first meet someone and start dating, you may not know the person is
or will become abusive. Some people can hide their tendency toward an abusive
personality until after they develop a deeper relationship, get married, or
for some time afterward. While the person you fall in love with may seem like
the greatest, most loving person in the world, there's some warning signs you
should recognize. No one should become paranoid or be constantly questioning
their choice, but these signs can be precursors of a bad and/or abusive
relationship.
Drinking alcohol isn't a problem.
However, if the person always or most often drinks until they get "tipsy" it's
a sign of alcoholism. A person who becomes mean or easily angered in this
state has an abusive personality.
The person who constantly has to know where you are and
who you're with is trying to control your life. These people will often move
on to telling you who can be your friends and when you can and can't talk to
your family. If they use either verbal or implied threats to keep you away
from people, that can be considered mental abuse.
If the person becomes easily angered for any reason,
you may want to seriously reconsider your relationship.
If you find yourself blaming yourself for the other
person's anger or for physically striking you, the other person is being
abusive and you're only trying to justify their behavior.
Mental abuse can most often be seen by the fact that
you, other family members, or your friends are constantly feeling intimidated
or if you feel you're "walking on pins and needles" to keep from angering the
other person.
When the person resorts to throwing things, kicking
objects, or punching walls it may serve as an outlet for their anger; however,
who's to say the next time it won't be you or your children who become the
next target for the anger.
Everyone can make the mistake of slapping someone from
time to time. If the slapping happens on a frequent basis or the physical
contact comes in the form of punching, kicking, or the use of a weapon, it's
abuse.
This is just a short list of signs of an abusive
personality. Most people instantly recognize when a person is bordering on
being abusive ... and both men AND women can be the abusers. It's good to try
to work out a relationship if you're married, but if you're just dating the
best idea is to find someone else. If your spouse or anyone else is abusive
get away from them. Don't fall into the trap of thinking if you stay around
you can make them change. You can't. It doesn't matter how much you love them
or how much you're willing to compromise, it's up to them to realize they have
a problem which needs changed and do something. Just as an alcoholic won't go
to AA until they admit they have a drinking problem, an abusive person won't
go to counseling until they reach the same point. You trying to convince them
they need help only provokes them to greater anger and more abuse. Just
waiting around for them to change won't allow them to see they need changed.
In fact, you condoning their behavior by doing nothing only serves to bolster
their belief they're not doing anything wrong.
